Brief synopsis of the readings: Our first reading is from the book of Sirach. A father gives advice to his son and orders his son to honor his father. By this honor God will hear the son’s prayers and allow the son a long life. This will also bring comfort to his mother. Finally the son is ordered to care for his father in his old age, even if his mind fails: “kindness to a father will not be forgotten, firmly planted against the debt of your sins.” Luke’s Gospel gives us a rare glimpse of Jesus as a 12 year old child. Joseph, Mary and Jesus traveled from their home to Jerusalem for Passover. After Passover a large caravan left to go back home. Joseph and Mary thought Jesus was with them but he instead stayed in Jerusalem. They didn’t realize that after they were a day out. When they learned Jesus wasn’t with them they returned to Jerusalem and frantically looked for Jesus: they found him after three days of searching. He was teaching in the Temple surrounded by teachers. He also asked the learned men questions and all were amazed at his understanding. When Joseph and Mary found him they asked him if he realized how worried they were. Jesus responded: “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” He then returned with them to Nazareth and was obedient to them.

I don’t have children but I suspect that when Jesus answered his parents’ question they did not find his response satisfying. He had no idea what he put them through in their frantic search for him and believed if he knew where he was there was no problem. I confess that, as a child, I took great encouragement in seeing that Jesus could be a smart aleck too. My parents, not so much.

In fairness we now live in a world where it’s hard to imagine traveling in a group where our child wasn’t there and we didn’t know for an entire day. It’s partly because with cell phones we can find anyone’s location within a matter of minutes. But on this feast of the Holy Family we also recognize that our definition of family has changed over the years.

Also it’s a fairly recent feast. It began as a local celebration in Canada in the 1800s and wasn’t adopted by the entire church until 1920 where it was placed on the Sunday after Christmas. I think it’s fair to say that in the broad swath of history we’re still figuring out what this feast is all about and I say this because this is a feast that has been problematic for many. We’ve talked ourselves into a ideal picture that nobody can live up to and blame ourselves or family members for not stacking up to that. We Baby Boomers faithfully watched the Brady Bunch in the early 1970s believing that 6 children in a blended family could survive in 2 bedrooms and share one bathroom. The next generation watched Roseanne in the and laughed at the emotional abuse Roseanne heaped on her children without thinking that would leave scars.

The idea of what constitutes family has changed over the centuries. When we think of family we think of what’s been called the “nuclear family;” that is, 2 parents and their children. Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. are present but ancillary. This is partly due to the fact that we are much more mobile than in earlier times and often don’t see our extended family more than yearly. Compare that to the Gospel when the caravan was so large that Joseph and Mary didn’t realize Jesus wasn’t with them for the entire day; they reasonably believed that other members of the family were with him.

Alas, we can look with nostalgia at Joseph, Mary and Jesus. But let’s take a closer look. They were an unmarried couple with few resources; according to the Gospel of Matthew they would soon be running to Egypt lest Jesus be murdered by Herod. Today’s Gospel gives us the last sighting of Joseph and according to legend he had died by the time Jesus began his public ministry.

We have a choice. We can look at the Holy Family here with an expansive view of family or we can look with fear and become more insulated. Frankly I wish were were better about choosing the first option. In the last decades many of us have had difficult conversations when someone we love has shared with us about homosexuality or gender identity or their wish to be identified as non binary (neither male nor female). Many choose fear and retreat to the belief that this never used to happen. But perhaps it did happen and these loved ones never dared share themselves with anyone and lived lives marked by isolation.

We don’t know how Jesus would have reacted to a family member who didn’t fit the norms at the time. But I think when Jesus was in the Temple he saw all those gathered as part of his family; as an adult he would continue this as he welcomed lepers, Samaritans, and sinners. Obviously this was partly due to Jesus’ wisdom but it was also an expansive view of his awareness that we are all family under God.

As I said earlier, we are in the beginning of the Feast of the Holy Family. As with any commemoration we are in the beginning stages of our understanding of how to celebrate this feast. Let us look on this with an expansive view not only on those closest members of our family who don’t necessarily fit who we imagined them t be, but also on those who God sees as part of our family.

Let us pay more attention to Jesus in the Temple in today’s Gospel. We are all part of the Holy Family because God has made us holy and God has made us family.