Brief synopsis of the readings: Isaiah is speaking in our first reading and is praising God for choosing him. And while God has opened his ears that he may hear, he (Isaiah) has not rebelled. He has allowed himself to be beaten because with God’s help “I am not disgraced.” With God on his side “who will prove me wrong?” Mark’s Gospel continues after last week. Jesus asked his disciples who people say he is. He gets several answers from his disciples but then he asks who they say he is. Peter responded: “You are the Christ.” Jesus warned them not to tell anyone. Then he began to foreshadow that he would be killed and rise on the third day. Peter then took him aside and rebuked him. Jesus then rebuked Peter: “Get behind me Satan You are thinking not as God does but as human beings do.”

Last week I suggested that Jesus was coming to an understanding of who he was. Now it isn’t official doctrine or even a commonly held belief that Jesus came to an understanding of himself as the Messiah. But it’s an interesting idea and I think it’s worth exploring.

As I’ve said before virtually all Jews at the time of Jesus awaited the arrival of the Messiah; unfortunately there was no shortage of charlatans back then who falsely claimed they were that person. Just as unfortunately those who awaited the Messiah wanted mostly to be free of Roman oppression. They envisioned a person of great strength, a military leader like King David of old.

But that’s not what we hear in Isaiah. Clearly Isaiah foreshadows Jesus but Isaiah does not describe a leader who will defeat his enemies on a field of battle. Instead this leader allows himself to be abused by his enemies and does not fight back. A Messiah who relies not on his own strength but on God’s. A Messiah who won’t command an army that will defeat the Romans but will instead outlast them. For what it’s worth the Roman Empire fell 1500 years ago and the church Jesus founded is as strong as ever.

Now let’s imagine we don’t have the benefit of history and Jesus asks us who he is. Now imagine that someone else tells Jesus that he is the Christ. That would be pretty amazing. Despite what we may have thought, “Christ” wasn’t Jesus’ last name. It means the anointed one, the chosen one. In this context it means the Messiah. I don’t think any of us know how we would react to it.

Did Peter make a lucky guess, or did he receive a revelation? And if he this was a revelation, why did it go to Peter and not Jesus? On the other hand, perhaps Jesus and Peter came to the same conclusion at the same time. And while we’re speculating like crazy here we do believe that Jesus was fully human. It’s not hard to imagine that whatever stirrings Jesus may have felt about the road ahead of him it may have made it easier for Jesus to accept this if he heard the same thing from another person.

In my career I’ve spoken with countless people who have entertained thoughts about religious life and weather or not they were called by God. Oftentimes a deciding factor in this discernment comes from another person who also suggests the presence of a calling. If we suspect a calling, and if someone who knows us and loves us suggests the same calling, it gives veracity to it.

If we take seriously the fact that Jesus was fully human we can’t ignore the self doubt that we all live with. But Peter, being Peter, immediately became troubled when Jesus spoke about how his journey and rebuked Jesus. We don’t know what he said but I imagine it was something along the lines of “We’ll make certain that doesn’t happen.”

So what Jesus mean when he said: “Get behind me Satan?” I don’t think he was speaking to Peter, I think he was speaking to his own fears and doubts. The recognition that he was the Messiah wasn’t about the power and the glory, it was about the recognition that his path was out of his hands. Arrest. Trial. Torture. Death. And only then, Resurrection.

Obviously none of us are called to be the Messiah. We already have one. But answering our calling will sometimes excite us and sometimes fill us with fear and uncertainty. Talk to anyone who answers the call to become a parent. Answering the call is awesome in all its aspects.

And sometimes our discernment requires a community and places us in a direction we hadn’t expected. Those around Jesus had to have known he wasn’t going to command an army. They had to know that he was not one of those who preached the destruction of Rome or victory in battle. And what kind of Messiah would preach justice for the poor and kindness to the stranger?

Again using the analogy of the call to be a parent, all parents soon find that their path is not their choice and they often need to learn quickly about things they never thought about. Autism. Deafness. ADHD. AIDS. And some need to learn about childhood cancer. Parents often comment that they learned in whole new ways that “it’s not about us anymore.”

The good news is that the community that helped us discern out calling stay with us. Peter may have rebuked Jesus (and denied him when Jesus was arrested) but Peter also became the leader of the earliest disciples after the Resurrection. Our paths may frighten us but they can also lead us to other communities what enlighten that path. I think about support groups, not only for ill children, but for spouses and children of people living with Alzheimer’s. Their shared empathy and wisdom is just as holy and God like as their encouragement for our call.

At the end of the day God’s dreams for us won’t always be easy and our journey will never be clear. But like Jesus in answering his call to be the Messiah, we will never be alone.