Brief synopsis of the readings: Our first reading from Sirach advises against resentment and vengeance. “Forgive your neighbor’s injustice; then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven.” The person who nurses anger against another cannot demand compassion from God. In Matthew’s Gospel Peter asked Jesus how often he must forgive someone: seven times? Jesus responded by telling him that he must forgive seventy times seven times. He then told a parable about a servant who owed a large sum of money to his master. At first the master ordered his imprisonment along with the sale of his property. But the servant begged for more time to repay his debt. Moved by this the master forgave the debt. The servant then saw someone who owed him a small amount and had that man imprisoned. The other servants, disturbed by this, told the master about the situation. Enraged, the master then reinstated the servant’s debt. Jesus then declared that God will deal likewise to those who do not forgive.

I’m a big fan of historical fiction, particularly medieval Britain (if you’re of a like mind I recommend the writings of Sharon Kay Penman). In the book I’m reading now there is a discussion between Welsh Prince Llywelyn ab Iorweth and his wife in 1221; they were discussing his son Gruffydd who was in open rebellion with his father and Llewelyn was deciding how to respond. He told his wife: “Men obey me for a number of reasons, one of which is that they fear the consequences if they do not.” It was a different time and while they were all Christians they spent most of their times discussing war strategies, how to get what they wanted, how to respond to others’ aggression, etc. Alliances were made and broken, families foundered on titles and promises rarely had a long life. It makes for fascinating readings.

That said I doubt today’s readings meant much to these Medieval rulers. Forgiveness did exist but it was a finite commodity and only to be used as a tool to advance their ambitions. You may forgive an enemy if you think he can be useful to you. You may forgive a family member if that forgiveness ensures your role as that person’s superior. But forgiveness is more of a calculation than a way of life.

And that’s really what it was when Peter asked Jesus how many times he needed to forgive. Cards on the table, Peter wasn’t asking how many times he needed to forgive, he was asking when he was allowed to stop forgiving. When did he have Jesus’ permission to hold a grudge?

In fairness we’ve all been there. We can easily forgive someone who zips in to take that last parking space or the person ahead of us in the grocery line with piles of coupons. It’s a momentary event and we’ll never see them again. But it’s harder with those closest to us. Nobody can hurt us like those we love most, both in their ability to find our vulnerabilities and the multiple opportunities they have. We all have that relative who shows up hours late for a family event or that child who never remembers to fill the gas tank before returning the car.

That doesn’t even count the sins that really hurt us: infidelity, public humiliation, long term substance abuse. How many promises of do we hear before we just decide that we can’t keep doing this? Isn’t forgiving the eighth time too much to ask of us?

These readings won’t make any sense until we rethink what we mean when we forgive someone. For all their promises to “do better next time” they often can’t make that promise and sometimes we feel that if we forgive them once again we’re letting them off the hook or pretending that what they did wasn’t so bad.

That’s not what forgiveness means. It means that the last thing that person did won’t end or define the relationship, that there is a tomorrow for us. When Jesus says Peter must forgive “seventy times seven times” he doesn’t move the “grudge number” from 8 to 491; he means we must forgive so much and so often that forgiveness comes to us as naturally as breathing.

Again, forgiving someone doesn’t mean we stay in a violent marriage or continue to keep our liquor cabinet unlocked. It doesn’t even mean we are supposed to forget what happened in the past. Forgiveness means allowing for the possibility that our relationship can have a future also. It means that just as God won’t give up on us we are called not to give up on each other.

Jesus’ example of the master and the two debtors makes that point. The first man simply wanted to restructure his loan and take longer to repay his debt; but instead of granting him that wish his master forgave the debt. Imagine if you go to your bank asking for more time to pay off your student loans and the bank instead decides to forgive the loan entirely. Let that sink in for a minute. But then the man responds to generosity with greed when he runs into someone who owes him. Instead of saying: “You call that a debt? Seriously, man, forget it! Just as I am free of my debt, so are you. We’re good.” In that situation all three men would have benefited and loved each other more. But when the first man got greedy and demanded what was due him it all fell apart. Now none of them will walk away happy.

An unwillingness to forgive locks us into a relationship that can never progress. It feeds a grudge that will only grow and threaten to poison other relationships as that person has friends and relationships also. It literally eats us alive.

Forgiveness also invites the other person to recognize the need to forgive us. When we forgive we provide the light and warmth to allow the other person to forgive us when we are in the wrong. God knows Peter needed that forgiveness from Jesus after abandoning and denying him the night Jesus was on trial for his life.

Because while we may look on someone’s 8th sin as the one we can hang on to, let us remember that there are times when we’ve committed the 8th sin against someone else.

And back to our novel, only true history nerds like me remember the name Llywelyn ab Iorweth but everyone remembers Jesus.