Category Archives: Praying

My Hopes for the Next Four Years

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I’m writing this a few days before the Inauguration. As I’m looking over my web page I’m realizing that I should take down the countdown clock; I could take it down now, but I want to see “0” just once. It will come down soon. I’m also thinking about taking down the Bert and Ernie terror alert level. It’s a spoof of the Department of Homeland Security’s Terror Alert Level. It’s an easy thing to spoof and I hope it’s one of the things that President Obama eliminates.

We’re hearing that the President Elect is planning on closing the prison at Guantanamo. This is nothing but good news; I’m one of the people who have been troubled by the fact that our government, in complete disregard of the 4th Amendment has imprisoned people without due process, representation, or opportunity to have their case heard.

There is much to write here as it has been a long 8 years. The bottom line is that I pray we once again become a country that lives its dreams and not its fears. We are in a bad place economically and I don’t expect we are going to inaugurate a Messiah who will fix things overnight. But I do think we are, at the very least, turning the ship of state back to a good direction. I ask that we all pray for him.

Exit Thoughts on 2008

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted; I keep thinking that someday I’ll have the time to post on a more regular basis.

It’s been quite a year; the most important news is good: George W. Bush leaves office in 20 days and Barack Obama will take the helm. It’s been a long 8 years and I believe the country has suffered greatly under the Bush years. He believes that history will vindicate him and his reputation (like Harry Truman’s) will improve. I, on the other hand, believe in 20 years it will be hard to find anyone who will admit that they voted for him.

Much of the rest of the news is bad. It’s hard to believe what’s happened to the economy in the last year. Wall Street will be open tomorrow and these numbers will change, but not significantly. Stocks in the Dow Jones Industrial Average have declined nearly 35% this year. Unemployment is up and it appears we are in the beginning stages of a long and painful recession. As for Nancy and me, our portfolio has gone down 28% (even with our contributions to our retirement plans). My employer, San Diego Hospice, like many nonprofits, is feeling the twin blows of decreased donations and declining stock portfolios. So far they’ve announced no payraises in 2009 as well as no employer contributions to our 401(k)’s. We’ve also had some layoffs in the bereavement department. It appears my job is safe though.

Speaking of jobs, there has been some good news in that department. In February I’ll celebrate 4 years at San Diego Hospice (and I just passed 11 years as a hospice chaplain). For the past 3 years I’ve been a preceptor: I’ve been one of the chaplains who has mentored new chaplains in the agency. I’ve found that I really love meeting and mentoring new folk. I appear to have some success: of the 7 new chaplains I’ve mentored, all are still with the agency. I’ve been asked if I’m interested in going up the ladder in management, and while that’s flattering I have no desire to do that. Last month ago the agency decided to come up with a new classification: advanced clinician master preceptor. We are developing two teams where everyone (nurse, social worker, home health aide, and chaplain) is a preceptor and will mentor new employees as a team. This sounds complicated as I’m describing this, but let me say this: I applied for one of the positions and was accepted into the program.

This is really the best of both worlds as I will continue to see patients and do more mentoring. I’ll also be working on a team where all of us are advanced clinicians. Since there are two teams, I’ll be working with another chaplain and it’s someone I work well with. The teams will be working closely together to develop curricula, not only for new employees, but for the agency as a whole. I’ll be working on a nursing home team (not a home team) and I haven’t worked in nursing homes since I was with Odyssey over 4 years ago. As I told my new boss, there will be a definite “remembering curve.” I’ll also be working at nursing homes much closer to home which will give my Prius a break.

One of the reasons I haven’t posted in a while is that I was down with a bad case of pertussis, also known as whooping cough. I came down with it the beginning of November, and ironically enough, my worst day with it was election day. As I told Nancy, I never remember being this sick, and the day I’ve been anticipating for 8 years was not even a day I could celebrate well. It was horrible and I can’t imagine what it must be like for infants and children. It’s not hard to imagine how this can be fatal in infants. I missed a week and a half of work and probably came back too soon. Even now I have an occasional coughing fit. It was probably exacerbated by my asthma but even so, my heart goes out to anyone who has this illness. It’s good to be feeling better.

Finally, let us all pray that 2009 is a good year for all.

T Plus 5 Days and Counting

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I’m writing this on Sunday night after the Presidential election. I hope everyone knows this, but Barack Obama defeated John McCain last Thursday. The popular vote was 65,431,955 (53%) for Obama and 57,434,084 (46%) for McCain. In the electoral map, Obama won 364 electoral votes vs. 173 for McCain (different news organizations have different numbers, but they are close enough for my doing). As a sidebar I looked at some of the web pages of the independent candidates I listed on my page. I wasn’t able to find much information on how many votes they received, and I have to say that as a group they are not gracious losers. I didn’t see any of them offer their support or prayers to the new president; none of them took a page from Senator McCain’s gracious and benevolent remarks.

In any case it’s still hard to believe that the campaign really is over. With all the buildup, all the twists and turns, it didn’t take long on Tuesday night to have a winner. By the time our polls closed at 8PM local time the networks knew and shortly after 8 the race was over. We had some friends and family over and when Senator Obama was announced we all looked at each other in disbelief.

Since then there has been an outpouring and it’s moved me to tears several times. I grew up in Virginia and thought I was aware of racial politics and beliefs but I was not prepared for the welling of emotion over the election of an African American man for President. I guess I was one of the few people of my generation who did believe I’d see an African American President in my lifetime (mostly at this point I’m still getting my head wrapped around the fact that Obama is younger than me). On the other hand “knowing I’ll see it happen someday” is very different from actually experiencing it. I’ll never forget the faces in the crowds in Grant Park in Chicago where thousands gathered. This time just feels so . . . hopeful.

I say this against backdrop of the horrible racial politics that the other side attempted. I wrote about this a few days ago, how blogs all over the country were trying to portray Obama as an outsider with a “secret agenda” who is “not one of us” and “secretly wants to destroy America.” These words make his victory all the sweeter in that this type of ignorance didn’t work.

The dark spot of the election for me here in California was the passage of Proposition 8. Last May the California Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional for California to deny marriage to same sex couples; almost immediately groups in and out of the state began this proposition to change the state constitution to define marriage as only for heterosexual couples. It passed by a thin margin. I’m not sure where it goes from here, but it does strike me as unfair that the state constitution can be changed by a simple majority on a proposition. By contrast, the U.S. Constitution can be amended only after a two step process: a resolution is passed by 2/3 majority of the House and Senate, and is ratified by the state legislatures of 3/4 of the states.

The supporters of Prop 8 disagree with me on this reasoning but I do draw a line from this to the debate about interracial marriage that took place last century. Until 1967 (in the case of Loving vs. Virginia) it was against the law in several states for people of different races to marry. The Supreme Court argued here that there was no constitutional right to define marriage as between people of the same race.

The landmark Supreme Court case in the civil rights era is Brown vs. Board of Education, 1954. What is not well known is that it overturned a previous Supreme Court case, Plessy vs. Ferguson, 1896. In the Plessy case the Court ruled 8-1 that it was permissible to allow “separate but equal” facilities. The Brown case, 58 years later, argued that separate is inherently unequal and there can be no double standard.

That’s the issue I have with those who hold that our gay brothers and sisters still have domestic partnerships. The argument is that they have this provision and marriage can still be reserved to a man and a woman. Only it can’t. Justice Warren in 1954 was right: separate is simply not equal.

So let’s take a moment to celebrate Barack’s victory, but then remember that we still have work to do.

Today's the Day

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8:00 PM Western Time (Midnight in the East, 0400 GMT)

It appears to have happened: NBC, ABC, CNN have all declared Senator Obama as our next president. The polls have just closed on the West Coast and the Obama support has been strong enough to declare California, Oregon, and Washington for Obama. It also appears that my home state of Virginia will go for Obama. I’m watching the celebration from Grant Park in Chicago and it’s jubilation. As an aside, we haven’t seen the McCain headquarters as they are in the Phoenix Biltmore and it’s closed to the public. No more need be said.

OK, maybe more can be said. It’s been a long 8 years for many of us and President Elect Obama has a great deal of cleaning up to do. He will certainly need our prayers in the years ahead. Whatever has been said about the “color barrier” this is a historic moment and years from now I’ll remember this moment. But more than that, I believe he is the man who will best be able to reunite our country.

6:00 PM Western Time (9:00 in the East, and 0200 GMT)

Every hour brings new states that have closed their polls, and things continue to look up for Sen. Obama. NBC has 175 Electoral Votes for him and 76 for Sen. McCain. He appears to have some downticket momentum. John Warner (R-Va.) retired and it has gone to Democrat Mark Warner (no relation). That wasn’t a surprise but it was a surprise to see that incumbent Senator John Sununu (R-NH) was defeated by Jean Shaheen and incumbent Elizabeth Dole (R-NC) has been defeated by Kay Hagan. We’re a long way off from this, but there is an outside chance that the Democrats will have 60 seats in the Senate.

That’s important because of the role of the filibuster in the Senate. Any Senator can block discussion or a vote on any bill simply by taking the podium and not giving it up. It takes a vote of at least 60 senators for “cloture” to end the filibuster. The Democrats currently have a majority if the Senate but they don’t have 60 seats and the Republicans have been able to effectively block a great deal of progress. Assuming Sen. Obama wins, if he has a 60 seat majority in the Senate, he will have a tremendous opportunity to move us beyond the Bush years.

4:45 PM Western Time (7:45 in the East, and 2345 GMT)

Well it’s already started: as I write this Kentucky and South Carolina have gone for Sen. McCain and Vermont for Sen. Obama. None of these were surprises, though perhaps if South Carolina had gone for Obama, the race would pretty much have been over by now. As of now, McCain is ahead 16 electoral votes to 3 (at this point I’m watching NBC; other networks have different totals).

1:30 PM Western Time (4:30 PM in the East, and 2130 GMT)
OK, so at long last it’s here: Election Day 2008. My countdown clock goes until January 20, 2009 because that’s how much longer President Bush is in office. Sometime within the next few hours we’ll know who the President Elect is, but he won’t take office for another 76 days.

In the next several hours I’ll be making some changes on my web page. Primarily I’ll be removing the names of the candidates running for President. Keeping track of this has turned into a bit of a nightmare and I have only myself to blame. At the beginning of the primary season I hoped to list not only the major candidates of the major parties, but anyone I could find who announced candidacy for President. At first it wasn’t too bad as I was able to find most of what I wanted from Google or Wikipedia. It became more complicated when candidates would lose their primary and announce that they had either switched to another party or decided to run as independents. It also became clear that some of these candidates weren’t putting in much effort as there were no changes in the web pages over the course of the race. In any case, after tonight nobody is running for president in 2008.

I’m planning to keep most of the other boxes on the left side of the page. I’ll probably get rid of the Bert and Ernie terror alert level; it was a parody of the White House’s color coded terror alert level and I don’t know anyone who keeps track of that now.

I’ve been keeping track of the US combat deaths in Iraq with a counter I downloaded from antiwar.com. It doesn’t look like we’ll be out of there anytime soon and I’m inclined to keep it there as long as our troops are there. Unfortunately I can’t seem to find a counter for deaths in Afghanistan; if I do I’ll add it. There are counters who attempt to keep track of deaths of US civilian contractors and Iraqi civilians but the Bush administration has been successful in keeping that information private and the counters aren’t very accurate.

As long as I’m housecleaning I’m making some changes on the right column too. Primarily I’ll be getting rid of some of the personal blogs that either no longer exist or now require permission to read.

I’m going to write several times during the night as the voting comes in. Right now there isn’t much as the first polls don’t even close for another 2 1/2 hours.

T Minus 15 Days and Counting

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Fifteen days from tonight I will be up most of the night watching the election results. It’s going to be a long few weeks.

I received my sample ballot in the mail last week. You can see I have 37 candidates for President listed. Of those picks, only 6 are listed in my ballot (5 actually because I did not list Alan Keyes who is running on the American Independent Party ticket). My ballot lists only Alan Keyes, Ralph Nader, Barack Obama, Bob Barr, John McCain, and Cynthia McKinney.

I’ve made no secret that I support Senator Obama and I hope he wins. Yesterday on Meet The Press General Colin Powell endorsed Senator Obama. The interview is worth a watch and the transcript is here. General Powell was as gracious as ever and respectful of both candidates but in the final word he articulated good reasons to vote for Senator Obama. Allow me to highlight some of these reasons:

  • The economy. Senator McCain doesn’t seem to have a grasp of the economic troubles we have been facing, famously saying that the fundamentals of the economy are strong. In fairness he is caught between what clearly needs to be done (use government resources to stimulate the economy) and what the Republican Party is demanding (do nothing: look how successful it was for Herbert Hoover).
  • The choice of Sarah Palin. Senator McCain announces again and again that he is a maverick and owes his vote to no one. Yet when he clearly wanted to choose Senator Joe Lieberman as his running mate, he buckled under and chose someone he had only met a few times and is clearly unqualified (meaning no disrespect to the Alaska PTA but that does not qualify someone for national office). The fact that she passes the Republican litmus test on abortion and gay marriage only shows that Senator McCain is not his own man.
  • The negative tone. Everyone knows that politics is hardball and it’s not bad to see how someone responds to being roughed up. But John McCain (whose 2000 campaign was destroyed by Karl Rove’s tactics; there is an excellent explanation in this Boston Globe article) has allowed this to get out of hand. He is an honorable man but he has allowed his campaign to smear Senator Obama with issues that are just plain wrong (he will raise everyone’s taxes) to issues that are simply offensive (he is secretly a Muslim and has an agenda he is hiding from the American people).

My only complaint with General Powell is that he didn’t do this in 2004. He was instrumental in selling the Iraq War in 2003 and it is now clear that he was using intelligence that the Bush administration knew to be wrong. He was the one person who could have blown the whistle and turned the voters against President Bush. I’m sorry he didn’t

Of all the issues, I’m most troubled by the ongoing negative campaigning. I had hoped that Senator McCain would repudiate these tactics but he clearly hasn’t. I’m proud to support Senator Obama who criticizes Senator McCain’s positions but never questions his patriotism or loyalty. The Republican Party, however, continues to hint darkly that Senator Obama is “not one of us” and Senator McCain is unwilling or unable to stop it. If you google “Obama” and “Muslim” it shows 12,100,000 hits, and the sponsored link above the results is McCain for President. The offensiveness here is deep and amazing. It hints that 1) Senator Obama isn’t running to President to serve the country but to destroy it, and 2) The mere fact (sic) that he is Muslim is proof because “they” can’t possibly love the United States.

I call this the Nat Turner strategy. Nat Turner was a slave on a plantation in Virginia; in 1831 he led an insurrection of slaves who rose up and murdered 55 people, beginning with the family that owned him. This led to harsh laws meant to prevent slaves from ever being able to do this again. The name Nat Turner now stands for anyone who appears to be loyal but is really looking for an opportunity to destroy you. In the context of the Presidential campaign the racial undertones are unmistakeable. Only a Obama win will quiet these voices.

My 401(K) Statement Came Postage Due; Is That a Bad Sign?

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‘Tis the season; like many folk I’m getting statements in the mail with the bad news about our retirement (I’m guessing that I’m not alone in getting multiple statements: I have a Rollover IRA, Nancy and I both have Roth IRA’s, I have a 401(K) from Vitas and a 403(B) from SDHIPM, and Nancy has a 403(B) from UCSD).

I’m certainly not the only one who’s portfolio is bleeding copious amounts of money, but it is upsetting to see that while we’ve been contributing generously, the value of the funds have gone down. I don’t see either of us retiring for at least another 12 to 15 years and in that sense we’re in good shape. As a matter of fact, this is a good time to buy stocks and I’m confident we’ll look back on this and be happy we stayed the course.

The financial meltdown that we’ve all be watching is troubling because it happened, but also because of the reaction. There’s enough finger pointing to go around, and let me add my two cents: It’s everyone’s fault. It’s not just the greedy investors, it’s not just the politicians who demanded that all this stuff be deregulated, it’s not just the people who lied on their mortgage applications, it’s not just the mortgage brokers to told first time buyers not to worry about the adjustable rates, and it’s not just the buyers who didn’t have a plan if the rates went up. It was all of them.

Now I’ll freely admit that Nancy and I have been lucky: we bought our house in 2001 with a fixed rate and refinanced in 2003 to get a better interest rate. We live in a wonderful house in a wonderful neighborhood that we could only have afforded because Nancy’s father lives with us and owns half the house. BUT we bought what (actually less than) we knew we could afford. I saw the monthly house payment and knew that every month for the next 360 months I would have to have enough money in the bank to write that check and I didn’t sign anything until I was sure I could do it. Not everyone did this.

Now come the recriminations, and I have to say that I have the right to be screaming the loudest. As a taxpayer I’m partly on the hook for a $700,000,000,000 bailout when I did nothing wrong. And yet I support this. There is a quotation I love (but whose source I can’t find) that states: “Not everyone is at fault but everyone is responsible.” In other words, despite the fact that I’ve followed the rules and done what I’m supposed to do, I do feel a responsibility to be part of the solution.

I do believe that we can’t do nothing. For better or for worse our economy depends on the availability of credit and we can’t function without it. To allow this to “take its course” would lead to massive layoffs and unemployment. Both Nancy and I work in healthcare and our jobs would be pretty secure but that’s of little comfort if we see friends who work in retail or service jobs lose everything.

There is no way to talk about this without acknowledging the long shadow of the Presidential campaign. We choose a new leader in 23 days and we must choose wisely. I honestly believe that Senator Obama is better able to deal with this than Senator McCain. He and his supporters (Phil Gramm being the most obvious) have been the architects of the problem. We now need architects of the cure.

Old Men Dream

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No, the subject of this post does not acknowledge the fact that my gray hair and beard allow me to order from the senior’s menu at Coco’s Restaurant and Denny’s without being asked if I qualify.

Old Men Dream is the title of the book I’m currently reading. It was written by and old and dear friend, Pete Fullerton. If you’re of a certain age you may remember him as the bass guitarist of the 1960s folk group We Five. I first met Pete and his family in 1983 when I was a student at St. Patrick’s Seminary. After some hesitation I got involved in the Youth Ministry Program at St. William’s and St. Nicholas’ Catholic Churches in Los Altos, California. The two parishes combined and hired Greg Kremer as the Youth Minister. Pete and his wife Sue were an integral part of the ministry and I soon became friends with them and their 5 children. It’s hard to believe that it’s been 25 years.

When I first met Pete and Sue he was working for Lockheed and doing some charity work as he had time. A few years later they made the decision that Pete would devote his full time to the charity, Truck of Love. They do incredible work and I’ve been blessed to be able to support it; please check out their website. In 1997 after much prayer and discussion, Pete decided he wanted to live as a homeless person for a few months; Old Men Dream is his chronicle of this experience. Pete has always been a deeply spiritual man and he took the name “Old Man” from the Biblical Book of Joel: “Old men shall dream dreams and young men shall see visions.” As I read this book I’m finding that it’s surfacing all sorts of memories, and thoughts about his journey. Here they are in no particular order, save the order that they come out of my brain:

  • I’ve always been amazed at the simple courage Pete shows. We all claim to believe that God will take care of us and has our back, but Pete lives like he believes it. I’m ashamed to admit how much time and energy I spend making sure my stuff is safe. There is a point in his book where he is robbed of a few dollars and some food; it’s not much in the grand scheme of things, but when you’re living on the lowest rung it doesn’t take much to be devastating. Rather than act with anger or seeking revenge Pete reflects on what he can learn from this and how he can use this experience. There is a unique cruelty in the homeless from stealing from each other but other homeless people provide the easiest, and perhaps the only reasonable targets.
  • I can’t even begin to list all the thing Pete has taught me but the lesson I use the most is this: everyone has eyes and I try to look everyone in the eye, no matter the encounter. Think it’s obvious? OK, next time you’re at a restaurant and the server reaches around you to remove your empty plate (so he can wash it), see how deliberate you have to be to see what he looks like. I try to pick up the plate and hand it to him; sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. If Pete were a priest he would excellent at hearing confessions because he has the ability to extend his trust and love within the first few words.
  • This is related to the previous point, but he has the gift to make anyone feel important. I’ve done some work with the homeless and I know that for many of them the most crushing part of life isn’t hunger but loneliness. I find much the same in hospice. Just today one of my patients joked that several people don’t call her anymore because they assume she must be dead by now. Many patients feel the crush of loneliness because they are too sick to go out, but are also not visited as often because they are seen as “not quite as alive as the rest of us.” This is particularly true with people who suffer from Alzheimer’s or other dementia. They can’t carry on a conversation anymore and may not be the person we once knew, but they still have not lost their need for connection.

More later, I’m sure. If you want to buy the book, it’s available only through the Truck of Love website.

Pausing to Remember Those Who Served (and Those Who Still Serve)

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Today is the annual commemoration of Memorial Day. It used to be celebrated on May 30th but now it has been moved to the last Monday of May. When I wrote this tribute last year, we had lost 3455 troops in Iraq. As I write this we’ve lost 4083. I pray next year the number will be dramatically smaller. It’s a good day to thank a vet.

Reflections on Holy Thursday and Five Years of War

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In the Christian Calendar today is Holy Thursday or Maundy Thursday, depending on your tradition. We Catholics read from the 13th Chapter of John’s Gospel where Jesus washes the feet of his disciples. Tonight at mass Fr. Jairo spoke eloquently about the need for leaders to be in service and not dominate.

Alas, this would have been a good sermon for President Bush to hear. As I reflect back on the 5 years we have been at war in Iraq I grieve for the 3992 of our brave men and women who have died (if you’re keeping track it’s 1675 since this time last year) but I also grieve for what our nation has become. It goes without saying that since the collapse of the Soviet Union nearly 20 years ago the United States stands alone as the world’s largest superpower. But in the last 8 years we have not used that power well. We have not been servants, but tyrants. We have treated our allies as subjects (and are puzzled when they do not cooperate with us). We have treated countries like Iran, North Korea, and others as blights on the world worthy only of destruction. And we have treated ourselves as the only country worthy of respect.

Our next president will have an immense job. He (or she) will have to reach out to our allies and mend fences; will have to reconcile with old enemies and prevent making new ones; will have to understand that science is not the enemy and we really do need to face up to global problems like warming and pollution. Our next president will have to see our economy as part of a larger world economy that ultimately should serve everyone, not just the wealthy.

We swear in a new president in 305 days and that day can’t come fast enough for me.

Tony and Alicia Gwynn: They're a Class Act

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OK, so this is hardly a surprising headline, especially for us who live here in San Diego, but it’s worth saying again. Nancy and I were able to go to Cooperstown in July to see Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripkin inducted in the Baseball Hall of Fame. This past Saturday we went to a dinner for the San Diego Foundation where Tony and Alicia were the keynote speakers.

The Foundation is a pool of resources; people who have money they wish to donate can combine with other people. The Foundation provides resources and information so individuals and groups can find good places to donate. It also provides a place where funds can be invested prior to being donated. Nancy’s father has a fund called the Graff Family Foundation (that we will administer when he’s done with it); he was invited to the dinner but given the keynote speakers he gave the tickets to us. It was wonderful.

Tony and Alicia also administer a fund called the Tony and Alicia Gwynn Foundation. After dinner, instead of giving a speech, they answered questions and talked about how they continue to give back to the community. They are both articulate in their belief that they have worked hard, but have also been blessed. Alicia is an ordained minister and talked about how “to whom much is given much is expected” (Luke 12:48). Tony talked about how he is a public figure and he needs to act like one. He spoke about helping children make good decisions by being good role models. He is certainly that.

The funniest part of the evening was before the dinner when I introduced myself to him. I shook his hand and said: “Hello, I’m Tom Allain.” He smiled and said: “Hello, I’m Tony Gwynn.” As if I didn’t know who he is. But somehow the fact that he didn’t assume his fame was refreshing. I’m sure he won’t remember me but I’ll never forget meeting him.